And I'm 52.
They seem to have active sex lives with past partners but with me it's like pulling teeth. Mind you, when they do they claim the sex is great. If the sex is so great then why don't they want to do it more often?

 

I hate to say this, but the first reason that springs to mind is - you're not that great in bed after they've tried it with you the first time?

Assuming it isn't that, the next thought that comes to mind is selling a product. Seriously, any woman past the age of 18 is going to know what men are interested in. And for some women, selling the potential image of a wild and active sexlife, is a surefire way to get - and keep - men interested. In the same way that the "honest" car dealer down the street just sold you that "pristine Mustang with only 20,000 miles on it."

Thanks to the use of a power drill, he conveniently forgot to mention the other 80,000 miles after those 20,000...

Seriously though, it might well be that if you're waiting for wild sex from a position of expectation, you're going to be waiting a while. Pressuring a woman for sex, isn't a great idea, and nor is feeling resentful over a lack of action in the bedroom. You have to engage a woman's mind sexually, long before her body gets involved. Ignore the former, and you'll never get to first base with the latter. Ask her what turns her on, and what little things excite her. Then put them into practise, just for the pleasure of turning her on... you never know what may develop, as a result of that!

Bye for now - Fluffy McNoo.

 

Well fluffy I may not be good in bed. If that’s the case then why do they stay?
I hate the idea of pressuring a woman for sex. Not my style
As for engaging the mind. Absolutely agree. Sex starts in the head before anywhere else. Explains why the biggest sex organ is the human brain.
Problem is when I start talking or fantasizing I usually get the old line that sex is all I have on my mind, which is not true. Lots of women use this line with their man.
Turning her on requires some knowledge i.e. what she responds to what turns her off blah blah. Common sense stuff. How can I get that when she won’t communicate?
The sex life and expectations of an 18 year old is vastly different to that of a 49 year old.

I think you have a lot of misconceptions springing to your mind.
Anyway, thanks for responding. Maybe you are somewhat correct who knows

 

have you tried asking what she likes durring sex? then again maybe she's just messing with you?

 

*smiling warmly* I don't have any misconceptions, so I'm not in the slightest offended by that - because I don't have any conceptions at all. I simply offered potential reasons and solutions as to what the problem might be, based on the limited amount of information available.

But to answer one question women might stay - despite your potential lack of sexual prowess in bed - for other reasons. You might have other qualities that are attractive. You might be very caring and attentive, or inclined to treat women with little gifts and generally spoiling them. You might be dependable, trustworthy and reliable, or good with kids. You might make them feel very secure and protected. And so on...

I think the first thing you have to do, is realise that right now, she seems very defensive about the whole thing. So you need to get her to relax, and keep it light. At this point, you have no idea why she's being defensive. It could be anything, from not wanting to hurt your feelings, to bad experiences with a former lover. The thing is, to create a comfortable, trusting environment. I'd actually take sex out of the equation entirely, and tell her as much.

Just take it very, very slowly. Concentrate on affectionate things, rather than out and out sexual ones. Soft gentle kisses. Lingering caresses of the neck. Tell her how good she looks. Whisper gentle, flirtatious things things in her ear, when you know she's relaxed, and not focussed on anything else. But don't take it any further. Sometimes whispering in someone's ear "I want you", when they don't expect it, and then playfully walking out of the room, can have immense erotic charge - because of where it might lead.

But don't think "I'll do this for a day or two, and then go right up to home base." Keep her curious. Keep her guessing. Get her wondering what you might say - or do - next. Turn it into an erotic game. Make her feel special, sexy, desirable. Let her, come to you. If she's interested, she will. And then some!

Even when she does, keep teasing her with touches, kisses, exploring her body. Deliberately break a kiss - she won't expect it - and then tease her with the promise of another one, just staying out of reach. Make her want you, and then, when she's panting, wide-eyed and just about to throw you on your back and take you, like it or not - then you invite her to enjoy herself... and give her what she's been aching to enjoy!

Also, if she won't talk to you about what she likes - some women are shy or have been brought up not to speak of such things - then try exploring her with little kisses, and touches from time to time. Take careful note of when she responses more strongly to either. Slowly map her body without her knowing, until you know it as well - or even better - than she does. Then unleash that knowledge when she finally comes looking - for you!

I wish you the best of luck, and hope it works out for you both.

Bye for now - Fluffy McNoo.

 

I vote no more romance movies for fluffy

 

Sorry Fluff

That is downright cruel.

 

Cruel no - honest first thought, yes. Affter all, if he stated this;

It suggests this has happened to him more than once. A natural conclusion would be to think that the problem lies with him, rather than them. A lack of sexual prowess would be a reasonable assumption, if previously sexually active women (plural) are refusing to be intimate with him (or intimate with him to the same degree). Which is why I said it was my first thought. Cruelty was neither meant, nor implied by that statement, though I quite understand where you're coming from in thinking so.

Bye for now - Fluffy McNoo.

 

*Tosses the Fluffster a chocolick*

 

now you know what the sex was like with past partners.

 

*munches on the chocolick* Thanks, forefinger - I was getting kinda hungry!

Bye for now - Fluffy McNoo.

 

Nice post fluffy, and nice teasing seductive advice but you are correct when you said the information i provided was limited.
As for this happening before... nope.
As with everything else I listen to advice sift it and take wht makes sense.

Ummm how many chick flicke have you been watching lately??

lmao

 

a simple answer to your question is this "Man are from Mars and Woman from Venus"

To make a prefect paradise Adam and Eve should of eaten the snake instead of the apple :excited:

 

Well said.

 

Why do they stay even if you're not good in bed? Maybe because they actually like you and they are more interested in getting to know you better out of the bedroom and then maybe more in the bedroom later....

Another thing might be that they simply don't want to have sex every day.. it's not you... it's not them ... there's no problem... it's just they're not into sex on a daily basis.

 

*wry grin* I can't help but comment on those underlined comments above. Doesn't it say a lot about men's attitude towards sex generally, that any signs of affection and playfulness towards a woman, marks you out immediately as "watching too many romance movies" or "being a chick flick" fan - as if there's something wrong with it?

But an awful lot of women watch and enjoy them, so y'know... maybe that's telling all the guys out there something about what many women - not all, but many, just the same - really like... If they'd only listen.

Seriously though, engage a woman's mind and heart, and her body will surely follow. Every woman is different though, and has her own needs, just as you have yours.

Ignore the warning signs, at your peril!

Bye for now - Fluffy McNoo.

 

Perhaps the past partners have new current lovers which could be the reason they don't get together for 'great sex' more often. Personally, I have had a purely sexual relationship with one guy over the course of two years. We were both single and career focused, with no-strings attached. So every couple of months we would sort of run into each other and get together, which made any sex great.:excited:

 

Will you lighten up. I was only poking some fun at you (hence the LOL). I am actually quite surprised at your sensitivity and insight.
Truth is there is more to this story than originally posted. The relationship is almost 4 years along. These issues with her started a few nonths ago and are getting more pronounced. I am going to have a chat with her about my concerns and see where we go from here.

 

What exactely are your concerns? You've been together for four years, that's a long time to be with someone. If you'd be that bad in bed, she would have talked to you by now, don't you think?
And the issues started a few months ago? Yet again I have to ask: What is the "issue" for you? That you have less sex at the moment than you had the last 3.5 years? I believe it's normal that there are times in long relationship when you have less sex than at other times.
Talking to her is a good idea though. But be careful. Making her feel like she's not giving you enough sex could make matters even worse.

 

My main concern is her overall change in attitude. Not only about sex but about simple affection.
My conversation with her will not be only about sex but about the overall relationship (sex included). Need to know if she has a change of heart. I know what I want but the feelings have be reciprocal.